Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
