What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
