I hate all girls vehemently.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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