i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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