I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize