ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
