Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
