Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
vagina is talking i cant
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
