i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
