just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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