why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
