week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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