So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
