If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
