dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
