Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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