i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
