If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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