i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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