connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
