i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize