your parents love me but you hate me
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
