I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
