When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
