I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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