There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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