Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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