I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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