for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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