I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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