i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
