why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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