You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
