Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
