I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
