You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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