Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
How's work?
Spinning.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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