they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
