do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
