i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Randomize
