tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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