I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
