yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
