I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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