using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
