Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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