Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
