remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Text me some of your sweat
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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