just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
