Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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