Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
