Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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