question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Of course I have a pirate flag
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
