Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize