I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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