i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
that is very illegal...i love you.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
