the condom got lost in my hair
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
So many bounce houses so little time
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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