I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
