So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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