i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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