It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize