There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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