I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize