i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
