mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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