Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
