somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
