Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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