So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
