Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize