I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
