Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
