Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
