Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
