I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
