Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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