So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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