like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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